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Heart, Fear & Middle-Class Dreams: Just One More Day to Try

Mumbai | Marine Lines, 3:48 AM

The waves don’t make much noise at this hour.

Neither do the people sitting by the edge of the marine line.

Some are talking about their marriages.

Some are crying quietly, maybe about the ones they loved, or the versions of themselves they left behind.

And then there’s him.

Not talking. Not crying. Just… thinking.

But back in 2019, he was just another broke college kid.

Curious. Clueless. Desperate to matter.

In an age where we’re forced to be socially active, posting, replying, pretending we’ve forgotten what it means to live. From chasing good grades in school to a dream job in college, we’ve sprinted through life without ever asking where we wanted to go.

Somewhere between ambitions and algorithms, we lost our inner voice.

I think I saw myself there.

Or maybe I dreamt it.

Funny how time moves.

In August 2023, I took an intro session for a batch. I didn’t know it would take me nearly 1.5 years to return to what I’ve always loved.

  • Teaching.

  • Interacting with juniors.

  • Feeling that spark again.

In March 2024, I moved to Mumbai. New city. Big dreams. I thought I’d start fresh.

But I didn’t.

Something always came in the way. Some excuse. Some reason.

And maybe those reasons were real.

But if I’m being honest… I think I just lost the fire for a bit.



My first year of college was directionless.

New faces. New place.

Just a kid trying to find his way.

Everyone had this one goal in mind: “40 LPA in FAANG.”

I did, too, until I met my three idiots in the hostel.

We were clueless, but we were happy.

And somehow, I just knew they’ll be constants in my life.

College taught me more than any textbook ever could: friendships, heartbreak, betrayals, finding purpose, losing it, and still showing up for class the next day.

I started a small website with my childhood friend in my first semester.

Just a simple portal for previous year papers. Nothing serious.

It wasn’t meant to be big, but it ended up opening doors I hadn’t even imagined. Then COVID hit. The world paused, and so did we. But that pause turned into a possibility. 

We began hosting online sessions, inviting students, and building a little community over Zoom and Google Meet. It started small, but it changed everything. For a while, it felt like we were building something meaningful.

But just when things felt right, life threw its curveball.

I left my friend to start again.

I was full of hope, had my friends by my side, and I thought I had it all figured out. But it turns out, no one does.

But life doesn’t come with guarantees.

Even now, as I sit at Marine Drive, I can feel it. Everyone around me is figuring it out, too. No one has the answers, even the corporate guy walking into his 9-to-5, not the student binge-watching productivity reels, and not me. 

But that’s the strange comfort. You’re not alone in feeling lost.

Most of us come from middle-class homes. We all carry dreams to take our parents on a trip, to buy a house, to build a startup, to prove we matter. But somewhere along the line, we stopped chasing them with the same fire. Maybe it was rejection. Maybe it was burnout. Or maybe we just got too comfortable with the illusion that we’ll try “soon.”

And that’s what scares me.

But more than anything, it’s the feeling of being stuck that eats us up. We start watching reels, comparing our lives, giving ourselves fake hope that we’ll start tomorrow.

But I’ve been there. Still am.

A few days' break in 2024 turned into months. Then a year and a half. And during this time, I saw my friends move ahead. Calls became fewer. Conversations faded. And I felt left behind.

I started 2024 full of energy. Ready to build again. New batches, new plans. But here I am in 2025. Still haven’t started.

Many of you will step out of college soon. Enter corporate life. It’ll hit you hard.

You’ll lose friends. You might face heartbreak. You’ll see office politics. You’ll feel pressure. And sometimes, you’ll wonder if you’re good enough.

Happened to me too.

The best part of life is that you always have something to find, to be alive for, but the bad part is that we’ll die with so many stories inside our heads that no one will ever hear.

We’re just giving our hearts some false hope, watching reels that sell us an illusion of a better life, and this is happening to most of us. You are not alone. I’ve been there. I’ve done that.

But do you think this will be worth it? Or have you forgotten why you even wanted to be here?

Taking a step back is worth it?

Probably not. Or NOT.

I’ve always been the person on the other side of the table. The one helping people.

But maybe, for the first time, I was clueless. For almost 1.5 years. Didn’t know why everything was happening to me.

Sometimes, the break is just a way to escape reality.

  • The reality of not achieving the things we always wanted to.

  • Reality of failing.

  • Reality of not trying again.

  • The reality of seeing others do better than you.

  • Reality of heartbreak.

  • Reality of being alone.


Until you find something that shakes you to your core.

It could be a book. A movie, or even a stranger on the internet.

For me, it was a book. And SocialWizard ( Devilwriter)

All thanks to both of them.


It’s 6 AM now. Old uncles, kids, and people my age have started jogging at Marine Lines.

overheard a group of uncles talking.


यार, आजकल के बच्चे अपनी लाइफ को इतना सीरियस क्यों ले लेते हैं?”

“पता नहीं वर्मा साब, सोशल मीडिया ने कुछ ज़्यादा ही उम्मीदें और प्रेशर भर दिया है उनकी ज़िंदगी में।”

आजकल हर कोई सोशल मीडिया के दबाव में जी रहा है।

अपनी वर्थ प्रूव करने के चक्कर में कोई धीरे चलना ही नहीं चाहता।

And I couldn’t help but nod.

We’ve stopped living for ourselves. Everything is content now. A performance. A comparison. No one wants to move slowly anymore, but everyone’s tired of running.

But these Mumbai lanes… they have a way of talking to you when you need it most. You just have to listen.

They say read as many books as you can until you find one that reads you. I think I’ve found that one. I won’t say it changed my life, not yet. But it did something more important: it brought me back to myself. The version of me that didn’t care about outcomes. The one who just enjoyed the process of teaching, creating, and building.

I don’t have a climax to this story. I don’t have a happy ending either. This isn’t a movie. It’s just me, sitting in a cab, writing while the city wakes up.

Not everything needs a dramatic comeback or a viral reel. Sometimes, just sitting quietly by the sea and listening to yourself again is enough.

Mumbai ko film city kehte hain......jahan har kisi ko climax chahiye, twist chahiye, happy ending chahiye.

Par asli zindagi me toh kahaniyaan kabhi khatam nahi hoti.


बस रुक जाती हैं थोड़ी देर के लिए।

सीन बदल जाते हैं।

लोग बदल जाते हैं।

सपने थोड़े धीमे पड़ जाते हैं।

the city was waking up.

Kids rushing with school bags, crowds gathering at chai stalls, and newspaper vendors delivering dreams wrapped in headlines.

Aur tab samajh aaya…


शायद ज़िंदगी सुलझाने के लिए नहीं होती।

शायद बस रोज़ उठकर, फिर से कोशिश करने के लिए होती है।

ज़ख्मों के साथ।

उलझनों के साथ।

अधूरे सपनों के साथ।

लेकिन कोशिश करते रहना ज़रूरी होता है।

क्योंकि शुरू ना करना, हार जाने से ज़्यादा तकलीफ़ देता है।

क्योंकि कुछ भी ना करके जीना, उस थकान से भी भारी होता है जो मेहनत करके गिरने से आती है।

क्योंकि उम्मीद, चाहे जितनी भी हल्की हो, एक और मौका डिज़र्व करती है।

Maybe life isn’t a race you’re supposed to win.

ये तो बस एक सफर है, जिसमें कभी तेज़ चलते हो, कभी थम जाते हो।

कभी आसमान छूने का मन करता है, तो कभी ज़मीन पे बैठकर बस साँस लेने का।

रुक जाना भटकना नहीं होता।

कभी-कभी रुकना भी ज़रूरी होता है खुद को दोबारा समझने के लिए।

शायद डर भी होगा, संदेह भी।

Maybe only one person will read this.

But if that one person remembers their “why” again…

Then writing this was more than worth it.

क्योंकि ज़िंदगी का मतलब सिर्फ़ बड़े सपने देखना नहीं है,

बल्कि हर सुबह उठकर फिर से जीने की हिम्मत जुटाना है।


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